Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Slow Motion Mind

I feel as if I have been neglecting my own blog since the holidays. There has been little meaningful content here. I’m finding myself in a place in my life where I’m at another set of crossroads in which I need to decide in which direction I would like to travel. I tend to be an internal thinker/contemplator and don’t really do well with expressing my thoughts and teeter-tottering over things into words to express to others - hence my initial hesitation over blogging/journaling. This started out as a place to report on knitting progress, to be able to join in on the swap fun, and to share the craft with others like me. It has, in a small part, morphed into a little more than that, which is why I feel the need to be saying this now. I know that I don’t need to air my laundry out to dry here. And maybe I need to focus a little more on that and continue to move the blog along by sticking to it being a blog about knitting and nothing more. But I’ve met some dear people along the way that I feel a connection with and now have a desire to share more of my life with them than just what I’m knitting at the moment. So I’m torn a little.

Lately I’ve been consuming a lot of time feeding my addiction of visiting, reading, and collecting other blogs as it seems to be the start of an obsession. I’ve taken the knit blog world on as a retreat/avoidance from real life. And as Stacey said in a recent post, I need to get back to the root of what started it all – the enjoyment of the knitting. It’s not about how fast you finish or how many you finish. It’s about enjoying the process and participating in an enjoyable relaxing activity. Back to the roots of knitting.

In good news, January 4th had marked my 13th tumor anniversary (and sadly Buddy’s would have been 13th birthday). The end of December through January tends to be an emotionally charged time for me and what may be called depression reaches into all aspects of my life. This year slipped by better than the past. There was no crying at unexpected times. I didn’t feel such a need to set focus on what might (should) have happened that day. I haven’t gotten so completely lost in a conversation or movie because my mind has started to drift to other things or just go off into a blissful blankness. Maybe it’s showing itself in other ways these days, but I’m happy that there were no tears this year. In a few weeks I’m hoping to be back to my old chipper self and move on for yet another year.


chanknits said...

That's an exceptionally significant milestone, washed with the sad reminder that Buddy is on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge now. Be gentle with yourself, and work through this at your own pace, whatever that might be. You have friends out here, and while we enjoy regular posts, they aren't necessary to further cement the friendships!

Congrats on being such a beautiful, successful survivor.

Blanche Knits in DC said...

I am so glad that you are in my life and that we can share such a great hobby together :) Good luck with your thinking.. And just a reminder.. I've been told I'm a good listener :)

See you tomorrow at the meeting.

Virtuous said...

I see we have encouraged each other to take a step back for a little while or in our own ways.

Your blog can still be exactly this "This started out as a place to report on knitting progress, to be able to join in on the swap fun, and to share the craft with others like me."

It is YOUR blog and you decide.

I am so grateful to have met, but without blogging we would not have! I think there is a time and place for all things and we can control that.

As Chan mentioned with true friendships we won't need to post regularly to keep in touch! And you know that! ;o)

I am so happy for you that you have survived over a decade since your tumor. God is so good! Keep your spirits up!

Sonya said...

It is a bittersweet milestone you have reached.

It is horrible when something joyous is linked to a great sadness. Share as little or as much as you are comfortable. Parts of my life are not blog material either.

CynicalKnitter said...

It is absolutely up to you about what you share and what you don't on "the blog."

Regular posts or not, since you're in my reader...I'll stay updated :)