What's happinin' hot stuff?

While I have nothing to share with you here tonight, I assure you that there has been reading, lots of reading, during this past week of silence and some actual knitting happening tonight. I have several great books that I want to share with all of you out there but quite frankly at the moment I'm too tired to do poetic justice to them. Hopefully sometime this week I'll have a moment or two to share some of those with you.

Work has been invigorating but busy. I haven't been getting home until late and I've been too tired to pick up a set of needles. How sad is that?! Even with a book in hand, there were many a night a page was lost due to falling asleep.

The effects of the whooping cough is finally going away. A burning fiery sensation still remains in my lungs and an annoying occasional cough. But otherwise I'm on my way back to healing and breathing again. I tribute most of that to the fact that I spent many an hour this past weekend sleeping. A nice warm blankie and a running humidifier in a dark dark room does wonders for an ailing body. If only there were a few extra days in the weekend.

And a little shout out to my fellow House lovers out there... OH MY GAWD!!! TINGLES!!! GASP!!! I can't wait for two more weeks!!!

Today is the day....

that I turn 32. Yep. I've reached middle age. My expanding mid-line proves it. I'm no longer a teeny-bopper or in my roaring 20's or even just barely into my 30's. I think 32 marks that you're in your 30's to stay. You're no longer just over that mark. It somehow now feels more permanent. How is it that just four years ago 28 seemed to be so young and free and now 32 feels so heavy and old?

This week has been a busy work week and I haven't had much time for knitting so I don't have progress pictures of my mystery socks KAL to share with you, nor did I remember to take a picture this morning of the socks that I'm wearing to work today. But rest assured that I'm wearing the Claywalkers that I entered into the county fair. Seemed appropriate being that the colorway is very fall like.

After work today I'm heading to the grocery store to pick up some special items needed for the weekend and then heading home to get things ready for my parents coming to visit. Tomorrow we're hosting an Iron Chef competition, Battle Pumpkin (gotta love that!) and there are still a few things left to do to get ready. Hopefully I'll be able to make quick work of it all so that there will be time for some sock knitting before my parents arrive.

Just the beginning....

Happy Socktober 1st and the beginning of my birthday month!!!
To celebrate I got myself a robe from Targeet with a sock monkey on the pocket and inner lining. I'm so excited! When I get home tonight I'm going to lounge around in it and work on some knitted socks!

Conquer or Defeat

Today there were several items on my to do list.

• wash dishes - ants are attacking when we leave them more than a few minutes
• clean living room - looks like a tornado went through here
• call MD retirement system - wondering if I still have money somewhere there from those 3 torturous years I worked there
• call to make a massage appointment - desperately need this
• make dinner - promised Sarah that dinner would be ready when she got home because she was leaving for a 'going for drinks date' and wanted to quickly eat before she left
• grocery shop for dinner - all the meat in the house was frozen and I did feel like defrosting
• cut grass - tackle the fear of the lawn mower
• go through mail and send out bills - rent is due and the mail was getting high
• knit on Aunt Suz's socks - she's coming soon and I want to have them finished to give them to her when she gets here

Well, let's see how I did.

• wash dishes - nope
• clean living room - where is the living room again? shouldn't it look lived in anyway?
• call MD retirement system - has anyone seen my phone?
• call to schedule a massage - having 'woman issues' today and the thought of anyone touching my body makes my eyes spin to the back of my head
• grocery shop and make dinner - Ora came over to help solve the lawn mower problem so there was no time to go grocery shopping or cook dinner before Sarah came home. Ended up picking up Chinese.
• cut grass - well half of it got done. It took like forever to figure out how to get the d*mn thing started. And then half way through it just stopped and I couldn't get it started again. Had to call in reinforcements. By the time Ora came, it was raining and there would be no cutting the rest of the grass today.
• go through the bill and mail them - well, went through the bills and wrote them all out but didn't actually take them to a post box, just left them for the mailman to pick up.
• work on Aunt Suz's socks - actually did that! Have one finished now and the other one is ready for the heal turn. I should have it finished tomorrow... or maybe the next day if I'm just as lazy tomorrow as I was today.

So I guess that I was sort of defeated today. But really I don't feel bad about it at all. I got to add to the list helping a friend with her first sock and some dropped stitches. Hopefully the knitting karma will make up for my short comings today.

Inspiration....

I came across this notebook the other day and realized that it makes a statement that my heart has been trying for. Some of my friends have told me in the past that I'm just too nice to people. That I'm too giving without getting much or anything in return. Isn't that what most women do? I guess that I'm just hoping that if I put out enough kindness that someone will find that they can love me. I was wrong with Honey. And now my skin is a little thicker and my heart still a little scared. But I still have hope for love. Right now I'm working on getting back to scattering that kindness because it makes me happy. And what better way to get back on the wagon than to make yourself happy. But this time I'm going to make sure that I include myself in the group of that I scatter that kindness to. I want to be nicer to myself as I'm reinventing who I am without Honey.

In an act to scatter kindness I sent out three packages last week. One to Ann's subliminal healing project (with hats that Sarah mostly knit but whatever). One to my KCiSDE pal. And one to my SP12 pal. I hope that they all enjoy the kindness (and love) that went into each package. It certainly felt good to put them together. I felt like a piece of me was rejuvenated with each item I chose to include.

Already some kindness and love has come back my way. The other day I received a package from my SP12 pal. She sent a great little package with some very cheerful items. Tofutsies in a bright cheery limited edition colorway. A fabulous book about strength, friendship, and knitting that I've already started reading. Some Soak to make the Tofutsies smell fresher. And a spring notepad that symbolizes for me the growth and new beginnings I'm going through. Thank you secret pal! Your package hit the spot!

7 MEME

James over at Subdue it with a Sweater, an amazing knitter and blogger that I've recently discovered, tagged me for the 7 things meme. And since I'm putting off blogging about my weekend away and I have two secret swap pals out there that might be looking for more information about me, I thought I would appease.

"The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer."

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

• finishing college
• preparing to move out of state and away from my family
• in the beginning stages of the first real love affair of my life (the same one that recently ended by the way)

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today?

• grocery shop and actually cook dinner
• organize my calendar(s)
• make some progress on either the BSJ or the BOGO bag
• finish putting away my things from this past weekend's trip (cousin's wedding + beach time with family)
• catch up on reading blogs

3) Snacks I enjoy:

• # 1 - any kind of baked goods if they are soft and moist. We're talking muffins, cookies, cakes, soft pretzels, pies, breads, you name it.
• popcorn
• jello
• popsicles / ice cream
• fruit
• licorice and/or gummy products
• granola bars

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

• buy a house, maybe two
• set my nephew up for college (he's not quite 2 years old yet so who knows how expensive college will be when he finally gets there)
• travel to several exotic places
• share it with my parents and brothers so that they could do something that they would really enjoy
• ???????

5) Places I have lived:

• SouthWesternPA
• SouthCentralPA
• NorthernVA

6) Jobs I have had:

• farm market hand
• camp counselor
• medical office extra set of hands to file paperwork and other odd things
• hostess / waitress
• teacher

7) Friends I want to know more about (if you've done the meme, please disregard)

• Blanche Knits in DC
• The Brownberry
• Reckless Glue
• ScrappyHappy
• Scoop Murphy Writes Again
• and anyone else that wants to join in on the fun... I'm out of time and need to go home.

ch-ch-ch-changes

Being that several months ago my life turned completely upside down and it's been like trying to climb a mountain by your fingernails ever since, I decided that my life was in need of some changes. The look of this blog is just the tip of the iceberg. Sarah over at Blanche Knits in DC has taken on the adventure of moving in and being my new roommate (since the old bastard one left, sorry) and we're starting to get things going around the house. It's so wonderful to have life, energy and happiness in the house again. I've even spent the past few nights knitting! And Sarah started knitting again too. I can't even begin to tell you how good that feels! I also decided the other day to change my looks a little and went to my favorite Hair Cuttery and told her I didn't care what she did, just do something. Wow, what a something! She took off about 6 or 7 inches and I already feel lighter and less weighted down by my problems. I haven't taken any pictures yet but I'm sure one will be coming soon. Today I'm going to get my nails and tootsies done in preparation for my cousin's wedding this weekend. Speaking of the wedding, I'll be without my 'pooter from like Friday till Tuesday or Wednesday so don't be alarmed if you are trying to get a hold of me and I appear to be ignoring you. I promise to report back here when I return. Another change I'm hoping to make is loosing this weight again. I don't like that I've put on all the weight that I originally lost before having to go through all this crap. The meds are now all starting to come into alignment with each other and I'm beginning to feel myself again so it's time to start looking the way I want to look. I've lost 2 lbs this past week and I'm hoping to keep going. Only like 20 more to go. Well, that's all I can think of at the moment. Check back here on the progress of these changes and see what the next round of changes will be. Oh, and wish me luck!

Secret Pal 12 Questionaire

1. What is/are your favorite yarn/s to knit with? What fibers do you absolutely *not* like? I'm in love with Jitterbug but there are so many other great yarns out there and so many that I haven't tried and that I would love to try. I'm game for anything but the froo-froo fluffy acrylic stuff.

2. What do you use to store your needles/hooks in? I have a cute corky vase that I keep my bamboo straights in and I recently purchased fabric fold-over thingies for my dpns and my Option Interchangables.

3. How long have you been knitting & how did you learn? Would you consider your skill level to be beginner, intermediate or advanced? I've been knitting for about 4 or 5 years. I would say that I'm an intermediate knitter. I haven't really gotten into doing anything too challenging and advanced like. At least I don't think so. I'm not really into designing or anything and I haven't done very many garment items but I'm pretty confident that I can follow most patterns.

4. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list? My Amazon wish list

5. What's your favorite scent? At the moment it's honey or coconut. They feel like home to me and remind me of summertimes with my family as I was growing up.

6. Do you have a sweet tooth? Favorite candy? I do have a sweet tooth... try 32 of them! I love my sweets a little too much, especially of the baked goods variety.

7. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do? Do you spin? I make a meager attempt to garden with herbs and greenery in the yard. I also like to read in bed and on the side porch on summer mornings. I don't spin but I'm hoping to try my hand at dyeing this summer.

8. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? (if your buddy wants to make you a CD) I listen to a lot of county but have a mix of stations programed into my car stereo. My new phone (Sony Ericksonn Walkman) has the ability to play MP3s but I haven't figured it out yet.

9. What's your favorite color(s)? Any colors you just can't stand? I love fall earthy colors - pumpkins, rusts, bronzes. In the summertime I'm also attracted to clear blues that remind me of the ocean and soft breezes.

10. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets? I've been recently singled. My friend Sarah is moving in. We're not allowed to have pets here.

11. Do you wear scarves, hats, mittens or ponchos? I wear scarves, not just for warmth but also as an accessory to my outfit. Hats don't usually do well with me - I have an oddly shaped head. Not so much of a mitten gal but fingerless mittens or gloves are pretty cool. Only have one poncho type item and I love it. This past winter I got into the stole idea, love that too.

12. What is/are your favorite item/s to knit? Not really sure. But looking at my projects posted on Ravelry it would appear that I enjoy socks and bags.

13. What are you knitting right now? A pair of socks, a pair of felted slippers (because it would appear that everyone in my family now wants a pair), and hopefully finishing Wisp before my cousin's wedding.

14. Do you like to receive handmade gifts? Yes! Especially those that have been well made and have my interests in mind.

15. Do you prefer straight or circular needles? Bamboo, aluminum, plastic? I usually use my Option Interchangables for most projects and metal dpns for socks. But I also have a collection of bamboo straights too.

16. Do you own a yarn winder and/or swift? Yes, I have both.

17. How old is your oldest UFO? Only about a year and a half old. I started a Lizzard Ridge blanket and got all the squares finished but never seamed it together. Maybe this summer.

18. What is your favorite holiday? How about a favorite season? I'm totally a fall baby. I'm in love with fall earthy colors. Every day of all feels like it's a special holiday especially for me. But favorite holiday to spend with family? No brainer, Christmas. Traditions, family, cold weather outside hot chocolate and goodies inside, sweaters and wool socks. Favorite time to have friends over? Summer BBQ. Nothing says summer fun like meat cooked over flames outside.

19. Is there anything that you collect? Books and tea

20. Any books, yarns, needles or patterns out there you are dying to get your hands on? What knitting magazine subscriptions do you have? Check out my wish list on Amazon. There are tons of great knit books there that I'm interested in. Most of the books that I already have are posted in my library on Ravelry but there are a few that aren't there to load up yet.

21. Are there any new techniques you'd like to learn? This summer I would like to work on some lace projects.

22. Are you a sock knitter? What are your foot measurements? I love having a sock on the needles... or sometimes two. I wear a size 9 shoe. Foot measurements include (and please let me know if I’m missing any pertinent information here): Ankle circumference – 9 inches, foot circumference – 9 inches, Foot length – 10 inches. I don’t know if this matters or not, but I have very high arches.

23. When is your birthday? October 17th

24. Are you on Ravelry? If so, what's your ID? Yes! knitknucklehead

Keepin' Cool in Summer Dishcloth Swap

I'm jumping on the bandwagon for this fun summer swap. Wanna join us?

1. Do you Knit or Crochet? For how long? I've been knitting for about 4 or 5 years now.

2. Do you enjoy using metal, wooden, or some other kind of needle\hook? I love my Options needles for most projects. And I use the metal dpns that I find in my local cheap-o craft store for socks. I also have a small collection of Clover wood needles. I've seen some really beautiful needles out there but I haven't tried them yet.

3. What are your favorite types of yarn? Any you just can't stand? I'm really into sock yarns right now and am hoping to experiment with some lace this summer. There are so many great yarns out there that I don't know if I can choose just one or even a few right now.

4. When it comes to cotton, are there any brands you'd love to try and haven't? Don't know. I've only used Sugar N Cream for cloths. But I do have some Lambs Pride cotton in my stash that I'd like to play with this summer. I don't really know a whole lot about the cottons out there. But I'm eager to try something new.

5. When you make Dishcloths, do you use them yourself, or tend to give them as gifts? I haven't done many dishcloths. The cloths that I've done have been baby washcloths or trivit-like cloths for gifts.

6. Do you have a favorite color? Any that you dislike? I like very earthy colors. The majority of my house is earthy looking with browns, beighes, blues, and reds. Although my eyes in a yarn store are drawn to the bright colors (I mean, who's isn't?) but the bright stuff just isn't really me in the house. Although I love the bright pinks and purples in my garden.

7. What color(s) (if any!) are your kitchen and bath decorated in? My kitchen walls are yellow and my dishes are very earthy green, yellow, and red pottery. My bathroom is dark blue and retro blue (the toliet was put in in the 40'2 and is retro blue).

8. What are your favorite scents around the house? Clean fresh smells for summer.

9. What is your very favorite thing about summer? No school!!! I have the freedom to do the things I really want to do suring the summer months. Sometimes I take a class or get a part time job that is completely different from my actual job. It would be nice to take some art like class this summer.

10. What is your least favorite thing about summer? Those days that it gets blistering hot and you can't even stand to be in your own skin and your electric bill goes sky high from the AC going full blast 24/7.

11. Do you use soap or body wash in the shower? I generally use body wah in the shower. At the sink I go back and forth between liquids and natural hand made bars.

12. What scents do you enjoy in the bath? Just about anything but particularly honey, coconut, and lavender.

13. What is your favorite dishcloth pattern? I don't know that I really have one. But I do know that I don't perfer ones that are really lacy or holey. Tecture is good but I get my fingers stuck in holes. Besides I think I would rather have a bathcloth if my swap pal is ok with that. I really enjoy exfoliating in the shower. I find it really relaxing. Washing dishes are not so relaxing if you know what I mean.

14. What sort of treats do you enjoy? Sweet or Salty? I enjoy all sorts of treats. I'm trying to be good this summer and loose some weight from all those treats. I plan on following the Weight Watchers plan and doing lots of walking this summer. But those yummy treats will find their way into my life every now and then.

15. Imagine today is one of the hottest days of the year - what do you do to keep cool? Or are you one of those folks who loves the hot weather? I love the warmer weather. A perfect summer afternoon includes sitting out on the porch with a great glass of iced tea or lemonaid, reading a book or knitting small projects like socks, and admiring the plants around me. Occasionally going over to rub the rosemary or lavender for a little aroma therapy. But if the weather gets too hot, I'm all about hitting the local indoor ice rink for an hour or two of ice skating. What a treat in the summer heat!

16. What sorts of hobbies do you enjoy besides knitting or crocheting? reading, gardening with herbs and greenery, shopping, drinking tea

17. Do you collect anything (besides yarn!) Books. All kinds. I love Jodi Picoult and kids poetry books. I have an Amason wish list with my current book wants. My Amazon wish list

18. Are you on Ravelry? If so, share your ID! knitknucklehead

19. Do you have any allergies? Mushrooms and all foods that live underwater.

20. Do you have any pets? Not allowed to have pets here.

How do you do insomnia?

(This post has been edited to add photos now that Blogger is cooperating!)

To add to the craptastic adventures in my uprooted love life, I haven't been sleeping for the past three weeks. After not getting any sleep for roughly two weeks, I took to visiting the coveted primary care physician and asked for help. She kindly gave me a prescription for Ambient. At first I was a little excited thinking I was finally going to get some sleep. That was until I read up on the drug and learned how addictive it is. I know that my body has a high tolerance for drugs - meaning I usually need more than the average person of my size in order to get an effect. So what does this mean for me? It has potential to be a dangerous combination for me. Obviously I hesitated at filling the prescription. But after two more winkless nights I gave in. Let me share with you all a short passage from the patient education slip that the pharmacist gives you:

"Some patients taking this medication have performed certain activities while they were not fully awake. These have included sleep-driving, making and eating food, making phone calls, and having sex. Patients often do not remember these events after they happen."

Ok... anyone else see a problem here???? Do I need a babysitter while I get a little shut eye????

I decided YES!

Two darling friends decided to give a gal a fighting chance at some beauty sleep and camped out in the living room. Both nights resulted in a full 2 1/2 hours of sleep. I don't get it. This stuff is supposed to knock you out to the point of performing crazy acts. All I got out of it was 2 1/2 hours of recharging sleep. (For those of you keeping track here, we're now up to 15 days = 5 hours of sleep! Not a winning equation.) It would appear that I'm not going to be one of these patients performing strange tasks in their sleep... hell, I still wasn't sleeping!

But I pressed on hoping that maybe a bit of a build up in my system would give me the bliss I was looking for. Two more nights and I was up to a whopping 4 hours per night. Desperation was setting in. After a week of the 'magical pill' I was still only getting 4 1/2 hours of sleep for a total of 22 hours of sleep over 3 weeks (as a reference, 1 week usually contains approximately 56 hours of sleep). You don't need to be a math teacher to see that things were still not adding up.

During these nights of insomnia one might think that a lot could get done with all those extra hours of wakey-time. But no. I've been so exhausted that things aren't even getting done during the typical non-sleeping hours. Even knitting has fallen by the way side for the most part from either non-interest or a lack of being able to concentrate even on mindless patterns.

A few things have gotten done though and I think we'll switch to the good news of this post.... two FOs!!!

Both projects were easy enough to be able to follow while under the influence of sleep deprivation. First up was Calorimetry. Made with the remaining skein of Noro from the Fall Bag, I thought it was the perfect colorway for me. (Unfortunately Blogger photos are broken or something so you'll have to visit Ravelry for visuals - My Calorimetry.) I do love the colors but by following the pattern, it's a little too wide for my head and doesn't stay on very well. It may just become a gift for someone more suitable.

(Photo added - yeah!)

Second up is Stolen Moments knit up with 5 skeins of Rowan Linen Print that I got for $1 per skein. What a deal!!! It didn't come out to be as wide as I would have liked it, but then again I haven't blocked it yet either. Maybe that'll make a huge difference. (Again blogger isn't allowing photos so you'll have to visit Fall Moment on Ravelry.) This was actually knit over a period of two sleepless nights. At least something good came out of them.

(More photos added - double yeah!)

So my question is, is there anyone else out there suffering from extreme insomnia? And if so, what do you do to steal away a few moments of blissful shut eye?

official

it's official.... my living room has turned into an empty den of sadness that now echos my cries... no really. the three large pieces of furniture that he took this afternoon makes the room look like a never ending cave of darkness.





actually, it's not all bad.... had a pretty good start to the weekend as a matter of fact.... love the girlfriend love around here... but unfortunately not really in the mood to report on that right now.

Great Friends, Good deeds, and Fun Knits

I'm such a lucky gal. My life might have fallen to pieces around me and I may be still in a state of confusion and looking for direction, but I have some of the most fabulicious women in my life that I just don't know what I would do without them. I must say that when I moved away from my friends and my work to move in with Honey, I kind of let a lot of friendships fall by the wayside. I haven't given the attention and haven't been the best of a friend for so many for a while now. I have felt guilty about it which has added to my poor self image I've been so carefully creating for myself. But these amazing women, all with issues of their own, have stepped up to the plate to allow me to lean on them and to begin to rebuild again. Their strength and love is amazing and I really don't know what I would do without them. It's going to be a long hard road to recovery, but my road crew is strong and appears to know what I need right now more than I do. Every night since Honey left I've been met with outings, phone calls, dinners out, knittings in, Cakelove cupcakes, group hugs, shoulders to cry on, ears to just listen, comforting advice... you name it they've come through.

Some of the best advice I've been given so far was to seek professional help as well as seek out ways that I can be helpful. So this weekend I've drowned myself in good deeds to do. First off, Ruth helped me to deliver a trunk full of scarves, hats, mittens, gloves, and other winter weather goodies that I had my ADK group collect, to a local shelter that was very thankful for the donation. I attempted to donate them at several other locations and was turned down. Bummer that most of them won't take donates of that type due to space restrictions. But this one was great. We even met a man who was very grateful to accept one of the sleeping bags we had on hand. What a great feeling that gave me to make someone else's day when I'm feeling like shit. But the good deeds didn't end there. Sarah has to move out of her DC townhouse so we spent the day loading up the cars and moving like a billion items to a storage unit and to the house she's going to temporarily live in. And to boot, she's going to help me look for a new place and is thinking of moving in with me. Good times with that gal. Through the move, one of the the women she's temporarily moving in with has so graciously given me a car full of office supply stuff and books to take into the schools that I'll work in next week. I know the teachers there will be delighted with the goodies I'll have to offer them. Giving back the love I so desperately need right now feels good, even if it's only a temporary fix in between crying sessions. In the long run, I think it's going to be these good times with these ladies (and others that I haven't mentioned here but are just as important right now) that's going to pull me through this mess.

The time I do have alone at home has been spent drowning my tears in knitting. No FOs just yet, but a few WIP that someone around here might find interesting. Or at least it's a good distraction from the depression I call life right now.

First up is another Booga Bag. The body is all knit up now and I only have the straps to do before felting. I used JoAnn's Sensations wool yarn line and really enjoyed how smooshy it felt as it knit up. I'll admit, a little odd for wool, but also very comforting right now in an odd sort of way. We'll see how it felts up before giving a final verdict.

On our day off on Monday I took my friend Heather (the wonderful woman mentioned above who donated all the stuff for me to take to the schools) to two LYS to make her first "real" yarn purchases. I happened to pick up some interesting looking Cameo, Wool in the Woods in Citrus on sale and began knitting up Wisp last night. I'm in love. (The colors here are dark and dreary... what more can I say about this weather right now. Hopefully better photos will come later.)

I'm calling it Spring Whispers because of it's light spring colors. The drape on it so far is lovely. What a fabulous feel good knit.

SITMT V-Day post

Ok. So I've been down and out lately. I can't say that things are any better around here, but maybe I'm just getting used to it. I'm not crying nearly as much as I was this time last week. But today marks a very crappy day - 1 week since my world fell apart and V-Day to boot! How ironic. I guess the only thing that could be worse would be the crash down happening today. That would truely suck.

In an effort to start picking things up around here again, this post is for the SITMT swap.

Contest 1: All About Love

Simple enough post - You will post, on your blog, about a memorable Valentine's day you've had. Could be from when you were a child or now. (5 points) Extra points if you post pictures of anything in red, pink and white, for Valentine's Day. (an extra 5 points) Posts must be made by February 14th.

I don't remember a particularly great V-Day, but I will say that Dad has always been a wonderful thought today. Usually it was mom doing the shopping and picking things up for the kids, or at least a group effort between mom and dad. But Dad always made a special effort on V-Day to pick up some sort of goodie on his way home from work to bring home to us. Some years we got delicious chocolates, sometimes those yummy juju hearts that I could eat a sack full of. Since moving away, I think Dad has called on V-Day just to let me know he's thinking about me. I will hold on to this thought today as I anticipate his call.

I hope all of you wonderful blogging knitters out there receive some sort of lovely gesture to let them you how wonderful they are and that you are loved.

This week - not off to a good start

I hate commercials. D-Day (I mean V-Day) is just around the corner and all commercials seem to be revolving around the event assuming that everyone is happily in love. And not that I would want to take away that happiness from anyone - by all means if you've got it flaunt it. Love is a special sort of drug that's a cure for just about anything. But here, we're infected with the 'flu'. The gut wrenching, can't keep anything down, night sweats, praying for death so that there's an end to the pain kind of 'flu'. Where's the antidote to that???

one split second...

how can it be that in one split second your whole world can be turned upside down?

that things you knew to be true and good and solid, suddenly aren't?

that once where you had direction and confidence, you are now lost in the dark without a clue as to which way is up and forward?

how is it that we are expected to go on in life when our life stands still in broken shards while we stand there wondering what happened?


my life has crumbled. i don't want to get out of bed.

Busy week

This week has been tremendously busy. I've been in more classrooms and had more meetings this week than I really thought possible. And amazingly enough, most of them worked out just fine. Usually when it looks to be a busy week things get all mucked up and the schedule doesn't work out how I planned which makes the following week awkward trying to catch up and deal with that week's happenings as well. But this week, well this week went smoothly. Busy but smooth. Which is more than I can hope for.

Honey went alone to build today but he'll be back tonight for a poker game with the boys. It' good to see him have a little boy time fun every now and then. I might drag him out to the Sugerloaf Festival tomorrow so boys night tonight should put him in a better mood for craft day tomorrow. Right now I'm enjoying laying around on the couch, watching movies, and doing some light knitting. The busy week left for little knitting time so I feel like I have some catching up to do. But just sitting slouching here doing nothing as a certain appeal to it as well.

For those of you who left comments on my day of beauty, I present to you Chocolate Caramel.... I think I kind of like this coloring better than the Chocolate Peanutbutter, which was a little redder than this. Frankly, either coloring isn't all that different than my own brunette hue, but it does add a little shine and body. Who doesn't love that. As for the cut, it's really the same as usual, but she did cut off about 4 inches from the bottom. At least it's not knotting up so much in the back from the static formed from coats and scarves and such.

I mentioned that very little knitting progress was made this week, but I do have a few progresses to report. First up is my SITMT swap sock. I'm now officially 1 down, 1 to go. It's actually going quite quickly... when I have the time to work on it that is. Since my swap pal is a secret, I can give you a little peaky-peaky.

It's coming out beautifully I think. I'm starting to think that I have this sock thing down, baby!!! Wo-hoo!!! The bigger thrill is going to be if they actually fit! Ha! I'm also hoping to make her some sock blockers to go along with them. The finally package doesn't go out until the end of February or beginning of March... really should check on that to be sure. But I'm thinking of putting together a little something to send in the meantime. Sorry, but I can't give any more information than that in case she's lurking around.

In other knitting news, I have an FO to report. This woman that I worked with last year really took me under her wing to show me some of the ins and outs of this position. Come to realize we are both gag-gag over tea. So every time we were able to get together we were exchanging samples of different teas we came across. Just after the holidays, we were able to get together for a little Thai (also a shared favorite) and she presented me with this -

an adorable little travel pouch to hold my teas in my work bag. Before, I carried a stash of teas with me in a plastic baggie. After a few weeks the baggie would start to look like someone got hungry and started to chew on it. This little tea stash pouch is perfect for the tea lover on the go! Thanks Pam!

As for my FO, to thank Pam, I made her these adorable little mug cozies in a very delicious variegated blue from Lamb's Pride. I got the pattern in Interweaves Holiday issue 07.

EWW... mailman's here... gotta go........

How do you do beauty?

My ADK group has chosen to read Kabul Beauty School as our yearly book discussion. We generally choose books that highlight education in a non-traditional way. The story is about a hairdresser from Michigan who decides that her life is falling apart and meaningless and so signs on to work as volunteer with a group providing assistance in Afghanistan after the fall of the Taliban. She's placed with a group working on opening a medical center and she soon realizes that she has very little to offer to this group either. But what she does have to offer to the woman of Kabul is something much more - it's a chance to take ownership of their lives. She soon begins working on creating a school to teach the woman of Kabul to be hair dressers and open their own salons. Throughout the story, her life becomes intertwined with the lives of the women in her classes. The impact she makes on individual lives is touching and the happenings within the beauty school and salon inspired me to take on my own beauty day at the salon.
Honey was down building on Saturday and Sunday. As I mentioned before, I had a migraine on Saturday and Sarah came over to help chase the blues away with some knitting and chatting. After she left I took to reading a bit more and it got me into the mood to beautify myself and spend some quality time with other woman in one of the most primal places woman gather - in the beauty salon.
My beauty adventures actually began at Target when I decided to dye my hair again. This time I choose a lovely shade called "Chocolate Caramel". Mmm-mmm delicious! Then I swung by my favorite nail place and set up a time to get a manicure and eye brow waxing. They weren't quite ready for me so I slipped on over for a quick hair cut and blow dry at the local Hair Cuttery. A woman named Lynn was an angel sent from heaven. She took her time in washing my hair, massaging every inch of my scalp over and over before giving me one of the best cuts I've had in a long time. She also commented on my hair coloring asking if it was dyed and who did it cause she loved the color. I must admit that I felt a little guilty knowing that I was planning on dying it myself when I got home, as the destiny of my hair color laid in a box in the back seat of my car just outside. (I have to state here that the last coloring job had completely washed/faded out and I was back to my very own original coloring.) I sat there with my eyes closed while she snipped away and listened in on all the female chatter all around. What a place for women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds to bond! I never really noticed it before. I so wanted to be a part of it all by melting into the chair and soaking it all in. At the nail salon I hit the jackpot with a woman who appeared to be totally focused on making me fall in love with the way she touched my hands. To tell you the truth... I did. It felt wonderful. And if I had had the time I would have had her give me a pedicure as well. I promised myself that next time I would make the time for one. The other woman there being serviced were kind and pleasant to listen to their chatter. Strangers are not strangers in these places are they? Next it was time to wax the eye brows and I had to snicker to myself thinking about the woman in the book removing all the hair on their bodies each Thursday. (You'll have to read it to find out more about that one!)
I returned home to do two different facials - a peel off mask and then a mud mask - and then set to chocolate carameling my hair. By the time Honey returned, I felt like a new person! What a wonderful feeling!
I still have about a chapter left to read tonight and I'm looking forward to our group book discussion coming up in a few weeks. We're planning on going out to lunch at an Afghan restaurant, although now I'm thinking I'll be ready for the pedicure just about then as well.

January goal list update

I know I've been amiss about posting lately... but I assure you I am alive and well... or at least as well as one might expect. I've had two migraines since Christmas (including the one that started two days ago and might finally have gone away this afternoon). Work has been hectic getting back into the swing of things and this happens to be a crunch time for me as well. I feel like I'm falling behind on all sorts of things, including the housekeeping. I may have to take advantage of Honey building this weekend to get the house back into sorts.

So, checking in with my January goals:

1. develop an exercise plan for two to three days a week - and stick to it!
NOPE. Didn't do that. In fact haven't exercise one i-ota since the new year.

2. reinvest myself in the WW program - actually start following the Flex Plan to a T again.

Kind of. The first week was bad but then I had a good week and actually lost 1.6 lbs. But do to the weather and the looming of the onset of a migraine, I didn't attend the meeting on Thursday so I don't know how I did. But I did succumb to Entenmann's chocolate donuts today. What can I say? Chocolate helps the migraines better than any pill I have in my possession.

3. take my vitamins every day.

Yes. In fact to help get over the loom of various colds that appear to still be going around, there have been days I've taken two. I know you're not really supposed to do that. But if I'm feeling like maybe I'm headed under the weather I've taken two and by lunch time I'm feeling much better and I've been able to avoid the cold.

4. finish (or at least work on) all unfinished knit projects from 2007. Maybe I'll even add a little something to the side bar to help keep track of this one.

Not so much. I do have progress photos though... so that's good I guess. Oh, and a goal that I was actually planning on setting for February was accomplished today with the help of Sarah.

I'm up and photoed on Ravelry!!!

Hopefully this link will take you to my projects, but if not I'm Knitknucklehead. Come check it all out. I'm sure I've forgotten a few things here and there. There was a lot to do. Sarah came over to use my ball winder and swift and in exchanged she helped me to get a Flickr account and get my projects up in photos! In other knitting news I've started working on my SITMT socks. Aren't they beautiful???
Don't you wish they might show up in your mailbox some day??? I'm already beginning to fall in love with them and know it's going to be hard to give them up when the time comes.

I'm using a new yarn for me, Panda Cotton. My downstream pal is definitely a spring time gal and loves greens and blues. I just hope now that I can get the sizing just right... little nervous about that since her feet are different dimensions than mine. Some lovely yarn came in the mail the other day but I can't show it (it's for my SITMT pal). I'm thinking of sending her a second package soon to bide my time so I can finish her socks. I'm thinking the end of January is a good time to receive a package and lift some of those after the holidays winter blues.

Slow Motion Mind

I feel as if I have been neglecting my own blog since the holidays. There has been little meaningful content here. I’m finding myself in a place in my life where I’m at another set of crossroads in which I need to decide in which direction I would like to travel. I tend to be an internal thinker/contemplator and don’t really do well with expressing my thoughts and teeter-tottering over things into words to express to others - hence my initial hesitation over blogging/journaling. This started out as a place to report on knitting progress, to be able to join in on the swap fun, and to share the craft with others like me. It has, in a small part, morphed into a little more than that, which is why I feel the need to be saying this now. I know that I don’t need to air my laundry out to dry here. And maybe I need to focus a little more on that and continue to move the blog along by sticking to it being a blog about knitting and nothing more. But I’ve met some dear people along the way that I feel a connection with and now have a desire to share more of my life with them than just what I’m knitting at the moment. So I’m torn a little.

Lately I’ve been consuming a lot of time feeding my addiction of visiting, reading, and collecting other blogs as it seems to be the start of an obsession. I’ve taken the knit blog world on as a retreat/avoidance from real life. And as Stacey said in a recent post, I need to get back to the root of what started it all – the enjoyment of the knitting. It’s not about how fast you finish or how many you finish. It’s about enjoying the process and participating in an enjoyable relaxing activity. Back to the roots of knitting.

In good news, January 4th had marked my 13th tumor anniversary (and sadly Buddy’s would have been 13th birthday). The end of December through January tends to be an emotionally charged time for me and what may be called depression reaches into all aspects of my life. This year slipped by better than the past. There was no crying at unexpected times. I didn’t feel such a need to set focus on what might (should) have happened that day. I haven’t gotten so completely lost in a conversation or movie because my mind has started to drift to other things or just go off into a blissful blankness. Maybe it’s showing itself in other ways these days, but I’m happy that there were no tears this year. In a few weeks I’m hoping to be back to my old chipper self and move on for yet another year.

SITMT takes 5

I know I've already posted that I'm setting reachable monthly goals for myself this year, but the Sock It To Me Twice swap is asking that we post 5 goals for the year 2008. While I'm leery about committing to yearly goals, the following are the overarching ideas that my monthly goals stem from.

1. To become healthier. Two summers ago I joined Weight Watchers because I feared that my weight might get out of control. Not that I really consider myself to be largely overweight at the moment, but I don't want to take that long slide downhill towards it. My family is a large one with several health issues run through its jeans. Dad having a quadruple bi-pass at 49 is just one example. I'm already at risk for health issues I can't control, why should I give my body another reason to fail me?

2. To knit. There are so many projects out there RIGHT NOW that I'd love to shake a needle at. And I'm sure the coming year will bring with it a ton more. I'm happy when I'm knitting and who doesn't want to be happy?

3. To finish projects. I've got a few unfinished items just begging for some attention. I don't want to become one of those knitters who have abandoned projects from 10 years ago (sorry if I just offended anyone as I'm sure I did), but I just don't want that to be me. I have enough of that in my life as it is.

4. To blog. I've caught the bug but am still fearful that I'll lose it. Almost did for just a moment there. I'm learning a lot hanging out here in blog land and have met some great people. Can't wait to see what '08 brings!

5. To be a better person. I'm always looking for ways I can improve myself. I regard myself as a life long learner and there is sooooooo much out there still to learn.

Now, off to start on my partner's socks!